Free Write

I’m OK, You’re OK

the sower

Be warned this will not make sense if you try to make it make sense. Make sense? Really this is another stream of consciousness post, please be patient as I work on being more intentional with my words.

Today I woke up debating my decision to get up early. We have two services at church, with class in between. I had decided last night to get up early to go to early service because I would be working in the nursery during second service and would therefore miss the sermon. So I get up already debating whether I really wanted to get up earlier than usual. It took some reasoning, but I finally got myself up and moving. I was pressed for time so I kind of had that mild frantic nature to my movements as I quickly made myself presentable. I managed to get ready to head out the door with just enough time to be “on time” and headed out.

First the lanyard on my keys got stuck in the door when I shut it! I had to open the door with my keys to even get my keys free, then lock the door again. Then I realized as I open the car door that my phone was in the house. I tossed my purse at my seat to rush back in, but I toppled out onto the carport…ugh. I left it there while I ran back in for my phone, picked it up when I came back and, finally, left.

Now it only took about two seconds during this battle for me to say (out loud),” Listen I’m going to church and you are just making me more determined,” clearly Satan was tripping me up. On the way to church I realized I had left not one but two things I really needed. (They weren’t dire, but I was bummed I had forgotten.) I didn’t have time to go back so I made a plan to make a quick trip home between services, I live close.

Finally I made it to church, on time. After all of that you may expect an Earth shattering revelation, and while that feels right it was more subtle and under the surface. We were in Luke 8 where Jesus tells the Parable of the Sower. This parable is slightly different because Jesus explains more clearly than he does other times the meaning behind the story. He talks about the different soil that the Sower plants on, then he relates the types of soil to our reaction to God’s word.

“Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.                Luke 8:12-15 NIV

Worries! I am constantly being drowned, strangled, distracted…you name it by worry. Everyday. I quickly that I have been the thorny soil for a long time. The truth is I haven’t grown much in recent years. I think we all can relate to letting life strangle our spiritual growth sometimes. For me this has a lot to do with my anxiety and taking on more than I should. I also don’t like to look at problems that add to my stress, especially when I know the problem is so big and important that when I see it I have to fix it. That can be so scary, but gang I am not going to be thorny soil anymore. It will be hard and I will struggle, but I am done listening to the devil tell me that I can’t or it’ll take too much time/work. Today I will focus on this realization, because finding the area that needs work is the first step.

Thank you for “listening”,

P.S. After I finished this post I went to find a relevant picture. Somehow I pushed a button that took me off of this screen and I lost half of this post. I almost cried, I was so frustrated, but I will not give up. So here it is intact after two attempts. 🙂


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